last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
