i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize