If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize