does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
