WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
