We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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