So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
