If i could tip my vagina, i would.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
