OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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