I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
