drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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