Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
