I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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