If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
