I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
