Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
