I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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