I think i peed on brittanys purse
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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