...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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