I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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