I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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