Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize