and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
