he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
