:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
