I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize