So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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