The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
