My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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