No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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