i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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