Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
