spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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