just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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