We named our party play list daddy issues
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
