i just wanna soil my oats bro
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
