When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
