I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
