A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
