I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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