I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
