I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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