so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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