went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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