I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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