my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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