it was like his penis was on wheels.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
