Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Life is so much better after having sex.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
