Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
