i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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