at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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