is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
