Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
