she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
