Who wears a wallet chain?!
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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