I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
