Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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