i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
