What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
