physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
