He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Of course I have a pirate flag
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
