wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
