i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
