my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
