Your mouth is God's brothel.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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