Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
