He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
