chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
