i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
