I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
